Embrace Change

-==Today==-

Nothing out of the usual happens today, except for the meeting an old crush on the bus home.

We used to be pretty good friends in early secondary. Then rumour flies, saying we are a couple. Things do get awkward for us but we still got along fine. After we splitted into different classes, i find myself developing feelings for her. Due to my stupidity in handling such matters (i am still an idiot at it now), i soured our friendship and a cold war ensured.

We didnt spoke even until the last day of sch. I nv mustered my courage to do so but at least we managed a smile when we passed each other in sch. During the poly years, on rare occasions i will be able to see her on the way to sch and everything seems resolved between us. We will chat for a little while before i will alight first.

We talked freely and comfortably today. I feels kinda happy to see her again. She still looks good (at least to me) but otherwise, nothing much.

The weather gets increasingly irritable everyday. Its chilling in the com lab and its humid and warm outdoors. A couple of my sch mates have been caught by the bad weather and fell sick. I seems on the verge of falling sick again. Cant even get a proper sleep yesterday night. Full of thoughts and funny dreams. Seems like the anxiety from deadlines is killing me.

However i will hang on!

posted by Charlie @ 11:00 PM

-==Living together==-

Suddenly i received news that my grandma will be staying with us. It has been 2 days since she moved into our house with her maid. She is in her 80s if i am not wrong.

Call me infilial but i feel kinda uncomfortable with 2 "strangers" in my house. I figured out they will be staying for sometime since both of my parents are not working right now. I feel intruded because it has been a long time since anyone stayed with us, especially for a period of time. Additionally, our house does not have beds and a spare room for them. In the end my sis gave up her room and sleep in with my parents at nite.

I was never close to my grandma. There is a communication breakdown that disables any possible affectionate interaction. She dun understand chinese nor english which makes it hard to even talk to her abt anything. I do understand what she is talking abt but i have got difficulty answering her or engage in a talk with her coz hokkien is just nv my tongue. Its a one way communication.

My grandpa recently just passed away, but i didnt had extreme feelings for his passing. Just like my grandma, we didnt interact much too. They had stayed on their own in the past but we visited them frequently. But still its always my parents and relatives that communicate with them while i played with my younger cousins~ Now he is gone, i feel like my grandma is cast like a ball around her children. And there are ppl like me..... Ha.....

Despite all the uneasiness, everything is kinda fine. I will just finish my meals and stay in my room while my mum and dad will entertain her or she will sit down watching tv silently although she dun understand a word. Besides i am not around for the past 2 days. And i am going out soon, saving some awkwardness.

But she is in better care in my house since both my parents are free to take care of her. So in one way or another i dun really mind. Better then taking attitude in some of my relatives' house. At least i will say we show her more respect and my mum really takes good care of her.

Hmm, i forgot to mention, she is my maternal grandma.

posted by Charlie @ 12:20 PM

-==CRAP!==-

There I received a letter from SP again after a week. The contents stated that i will be de-register as a student of SP and i have to return my student pass and tertiary student card if i am still unable to pay up within 7 days.

It all starts when my mum banked in the money which is meant for my sch fees a few days later then the deduction date. They sent a letter indicating they had not managed to deduct any amount from the acct and expects me to make a trip down to their Finance department with a lump sum of 900 plus in cash. The other modes of payment include writing a cheque to them. This is crap.

SP is really inflexible on this part. They could have go ahead with a second deduction if the first isnt successful. Or at least provide an option that allows, under the student confirmation, to deduct again from the acct.

Now i got to retrieve the money my mum banked in weeks ago and present to them in cash. Fucking stupid!

I HATE SP!!!!!!!!

posted by Charlie @ 12:22 AM

-==Sick==-

Luckily its a slight flu and i have been resting early these days. But it didnt go away. All the sneezing is getting to me now.

The hot season is finally here. I thought we would not have it since it rained practically everyday a few weeks back. However the sun is fine and usual, but its the humidity that gets to us. And whats worse, we moved in and out of air con compartments. Heat and chills, there is no wonder i caught a cold.....

A good thing my lan addiction had died down, along with the rest. Its wed and we had not lan a single time since a session with mk last fri. Initially i had planned to go with mk today but we took the route home instead after we hit the ground floor in sch.

Lan is not much fun with work pounding on us. I prefer to enjoy it leisurely.

4 weeks. I hope i can take the pounding.

posted by Charlie @ 12:16 AM

-==Slackers==-

Everybody slacks. Yes, but nv to the extent of not doing anything yeah?

Everyone can testify for cheryl and luke's slack.

Cheryl, I had never been close to her since year 1. Besides the fact that she is a smoker, she is also an unbelievable slacker. She will rush at the very last min, doing her assignment after the deadline is over and she expects grace from every lecturer for her incapability and irresponsibility.

Besides pushing deadlines, she expects ppl to help her with her assignment. She will be thick skin enough to bug anybody thats willing to help her for the FIRST time. Thats so evil. As she has nv handed up any quality work nor punctually, she left a bad impression with me.

Recently i got entangled after i helped her with her acan assignment thats due a mth ago. Ever since, the thought of i am the "man" with 3d got stucked in her mind. Crap. I was never good but at least i bother to learn unlike her.

My fren, mk got stucked with her in his fyp group. They are moving through a rough patch ever since she was enacted as the leader. The group simply lacks cohesion and slackers like cheryl aint helping matters. Clearly i empathise with mk, but empathy is a redundant feeling. A bad grade is inevitable.

Luke, ah ha! He is the best. Didnt do anything much and yet managed to hold out till now. Apparently he has been freeloading off other people, riding hard on their goodwill to advance.

I questioned him the other day abt his existence in sch. He is totally missing in action. He uses his sick grandfather as an excuse for his responsibilities. There is no wonder that Shian is angry at him. 3 weeks till deadline and he "managed" to contact Shian and ask if there is work for him.

Old tricks..... He had always use family problems as a front for his laziness and lack of responsiblity. Mk also have family problems but we dun see him MIA and refusing work. If everybody dislikes him, maybe he should start thinking if there is something wrong with himself. But instead of trying to salvage people's impression of him, he continues to stay adamant.

Good luck to them man.....

posted by Charlie @ 10:36 PM

-==Days==-

4 weeks till the end of everything and everybody is feeling so restless, so disillusioned abt their projects and their time in sch.

I hate to say this, but i am slacking....... People must be sick at me yapping away abt not doing much work. My energies had been directed to pleasure and there aint much left for work.

okie i will stop here.

The weather aint helping the people. Blazing sun first and a cold shower next coupled with dense saturated air. Getting drenched in sweat seems so inevitable. With pre-deadlines anxiety, i am almost driven mad. My head seems very heavy now. Getting sick is not an option now.

I am almost there......

posted by Charlie @ 10:14 PM

-==NS==-

Something that most guys dun wanna hear. Something that some people fear. Some think its a waste of time. Some see it as an opportunity for a change. Some take it as a challenge.

Personally, though it is a waste of our precious golden years, it should be taken positively so that the time "wasted" can be fully ultilised. I had used to fear NS, fearing the physical exercise will get me. But i have got confidence in their system that they are capable to ensure saftey of their sodiers. At most i "chao keng" to get pass some things. Lol.

An officer once joked abt NS providing free lodging, free gym, free professional coaching, free meals and they pays us for doing exercise.

It does make sense in a way. Since this is a compulsory module, positivity will get u thr smoothly and fruitfully. There is nothing to be afraid of. At most i will join kent in his office if he got one that is.

4 more weeks and i am thr for sch. Cant wait for scholastic matters to get out of the way for a moment.

Its time to take a break.

posted by Charlie @ 9:41 PM

-==Chaos==-

I suddenly feel so down, so out of place, so tired of living up to the expectations of others, so tired of living with ppl's critical eye of me, living under restrains and acceptable social norms.

I couldnt do anything right. And i nv had. Not any i can remember.

My sch work sucks. My social life lives on the digits i have in my bank. My romance life is destroyed inferior complex. What i got left is some family warmth showered by my mum but i do not cherish it....

I dunno my role and had not take control of my own life. Things are going awry and i am not doing anything abt it. Always so physically and mentally drained. There is no progression. Just pure indulgence in senseless leisure that will eventually lead me to nowhere.

4 weeks to the end of my poly life. The money pumped into it did not guaranteed any quality.

The blame goes to me partly. I am totally disillusioned over myself....

Changes are of immediate concern. I just wanna get off everything and rest. Sch grades doesnt matter now......

I will not allow myself to stop dead in the tracks.

Keep on running!!!!!!!

posted by Charlie @ 1:57 AM

-==KENT!!!!!!!==-

I had noticed a similarity between 2 individuals. They are equally as obstinate. But this individual i am mentioning here possess a substantial amount of ego which is often impractical and hindering in many situations.

I shouted at him earlier on, at the expense of our friendship due to unpleasantness arising from games. Apparently it is not abt either of us being a sore loser. It is his unethical "jokes" at work again.

The situation
We were playing Generals Zero Hr as usual. The day started well with us partnering up against andi and jeff. We won for all the rounds and i awarded him with compliments on good teamwork. Then mk joined in. We settled for FFA and mid game, he got pretty badly hit by andi.

I was flourishing. I got the superweapon up and running and base defenses set up decently. I hit mk becoz he was infringing on my expansion and he quitted before i could finish him. I began my assault on jeff and kent was there so afraid that i would round him up. I had no intention although he was a easy frag. And there goes a mismatch in the game, ending it prematurely. I thought i was going to win jeff.

We had another round with mk being neutral and me partnering up with andi and kent with jeff. We won that match. The next game kent wanted mk to join him and jeff against andi and me. Mk being the usual overly compassionate self, refused and requested a com player to be his ally. So it ended up 2v2v2.

So the drama set in. Kent thinks that i am too much of a force to reckon with and he decided on an unethical way to ensure victory for jeff and him. He placed the com player which is a "hard army" right next to me so that i will have problems expanding and developing an army against him. He took it like a joke but knowing all too well that the odds will be against me. I decided to play along. Mid-game andi got rounded up and kent gave no quarters to me who is still fending off the com. I got so utterly pissed that i quitted the game.

Conclusion
Does he has no morals, no sensitivity to others' feelings? Would he like it if i played this way against him? No, he wouldnt mind becoz that will make him appear much more gracious then me and ultimately satisfying his universe-wide ego.

He behaves exactly like a child would. All the attention seeking, throwing of tantrums when he cant get his way, goes to prove it. I had refused to put up with his childish antics so i reprimanded him today.

The more i try to put down his misdeeds, the more he will retaliate and justify his actions using his totally illogical and self centred reasonings. When will he stop to think for ppl?

Never. Will u be able to change him?

No. Unless u are his father.

Perhaps my silence through times had made him complacent enough to take me as a good pushover. Indeed i am one but repetitive bullying had adverse effects. If i am more vocal, i would stop him in getting his way all the time. I will not let him be a hitler among our clique.

"Hitler came to power aided by the silence of good men who could have spoken out but did not. And their silence allows evil to flourish."
-Hitler VCD & DVD

Evil must not flourish. Kent must be stopped.

posted by Charlie @ 12:56 AM

-==Kent!!!!!!==-

-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:08 AM) :
i was risking my frenship by shouting at u just now
Message was sent. User is Offline.The message will be delivered when user goes Online. For more information: http://www.icq.com/faq/offlinemsg.html
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:09 AM) :
but the issue is not simply abt the game
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:10 AM) :
u know
i am not a sore loser
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:10 AM) :
so obviously it got to be something that piss me off to that extent
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:13 AM) :
like jeff says
its every man instinct to strive to win
c|aMp (12:13 AM) :
huh?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:13 AM) :
but u wanna win?
sure
no prob
i welcome ur challenge
but u dun come bug ppl with dirty little tricks
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:14 AM) :
its not ethical
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:14 AM) :
u sure wont like me to do the same to u
c|aMp (12:15 AM) :
i say this again, it was a joke, if u wanna take it so seriously, then that's that loh
c|aMp (12:16 AM) :
ever played wif shian and jeff in cs_cock, shian bind his fire to clientchase
c|aMp (12:16 AM) :
never tell me...
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:16 AM) :
y would u like this kind of jokes?
when would actually start to be more sensitive to others feelings
c|aMp (12:17 AM) :
never tell me about it, when i found out, i also never get pissed off, cuz i noe, that it is just a game
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:17 AM) :
of coz i know its just a game
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:17 AM) :
u should know i am not a sore loser
y would i shout at u over such a stupid thing?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:18 AM) :
obvious
attitude
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:18 AM) :
i dun think of it that u are playing a joke on me
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:18 AM) :
coz u did that kinda stuff way too many times
c|aMp (12:18 AM) :
so do u think i should get pissed off with shian and jeff?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:19 AM) :
thats u
but y dun u go ponder y they wanna do that?
c|aMp (12:19 AM) :
y not u tell me then?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:19 AM) :
dun take this scenario in
its irrelevant
c|aMp (12:20 AM) :
but is it not the same?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:20 AM) :
the others had been particularly targeting u
but ask urself
if i ever do that to u?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:20 AM) :
but is it not the same?-----> sorry i dun think like u do

c|aMp (12:21 AM) :
huh? so it's rite if they purposely do that, but it's not if it was a joke...
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:22 AM) :
dun talk abt this?!
think abt what u did just now?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:22 AM) :
i dunno if they are playing a joke on u or what
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:22 AM) :
i dun care
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:22 AM) :
the prob is u need to take ur attitude in check sometimes
c|aMp (12:23 AM) :
i told u it was a joke, if u weren't happy abt it, y u click accept? if u had told me not to do so, i wouldn't...
ever thought of that?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:24 AM) :
if i said something
u will throw alot of nonsense in my direction
c|aMp (12:25 AM) :
huh? u never stop me when u could and when u didn't u blame me afterwards?
c|aMp (12:25 AM) :
what?
c|aMp (12:26 AM) :
stop making everyhing my fault ok
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:26 AM) :
how many times have i always stop u from sprouting nonsense but whats the result?
c|aMp (12:26 AM) :
dunt make everything seem as if it's a problem wif me ok
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:26 AM) :
i didnt say everything is ur fault
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:27 AM) :
i got my faults too
but i just cant stand ur unethical ways
c|aMp (12:27 AM) :
so if u never stop me, then dunt u dare blame me for it
c|aMp (12:27 AM) :
unethical is when i dunt have ur permission, u clicked accept
c|aMp (12:28 AM) :
if u think i'm unethical, then shian would be the devil for lanning
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:28 AM) :
so if u never stop me, then dunt u dare blame me for it---> i did fucking stopped u
c|aMp (12:29 AM) :
wad did u sae?
c|aMp (12:29 AM) :
there is a diff between saeing and telling me
c|aMp (12:30 AM) :
which was the one u did?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:30 AM) :
so u are trying to make everything my fault then
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:30 AM) :
thats so fuckign typical of u
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:30 AM) :
always tried so hard to defend urself
c|aMp (12:31 AM) :
if that's wad u think, fine
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:32 AM) :
by having thoughts like putting a com next to me and disabling me is being unethical
u dun need my permission
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:32 AM) :
ya i got my options
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:32 AM) :
i can always back out
ya right
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:32 AM) :
but i didnt stop u doesnt mean u can do anything u wan
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:33 AM) :
it is abt showing some compassions
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:33 AM) :
think for others man
the world is not just ur own
c|aMp (12:34 AM) :
if u're unhappy wif wad i did, i'm telling u i'm sorry, sincerely
but if u wanna make this into anything else, than dunt waste ur time and mine
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:34 AM) :
u know what
dun think i dun understand all those stuff abt what i should do that u said just now
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:35 AM) :
if u apologise from the start
there wouldnt be a whirlwind
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:35 AM) :
i accept ur apology
c|aMp (12:37 AM) :
if u weren't so determined to crucify me for a joke, i would have, but that wasn't the case
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:38 AM) :
its all becoz u are pushing urself too far
this is not the first time u did this to me
ppl dun keep on cracking the same joke all the time

c|aMp (12:39 AM) :
dutn tell me i went too far if u didn't stop me when u could
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:40 AM) :
the other incidents i couldnt stop u
at times u cant be stopped
c|aMp (12:41 AM) :
but that wasn't one of them, so dunt sae that i went to far just now
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:43 AM) :
think of it this way lah
u dun need ppl to stop u
when ppl try to stop u
it is when they are really extremely annoyed
and u know u have push urself too far
so if u are pushing the limits all the time dun u think u are infinitely been annoying ppl?
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:46 AM) :
i dunno
but these days u seem better
u seems to know when to shutup and when to speak
and i am beginning to get alot more confortable with u
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:47 AM) :
i dun dislike u like the way i dislike luke
i really like u as a fren
c|aMp (12:48 AM) :
hhm... let me give u an advice then
c|aMp (12:49 AM) :
if u can stop me
c|aMp (12:49 AM) :
then do
c|aMp (12:50 AM) :
it'll save u alotta trouble
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:50 AM) :
me being not expressive enough, find it extremely hard to get u down
-==|0st sH3ep==- (12:53 AM) :
had there not been times i wanna stop u?
and how many times had i been badly rebuked by u

Refer to Shian's blog for the 32 reasons y he is wrong.

posted by Charlie @ 12:40 AM

-==Slack2==-

The slack continues.

Although this is nothing to be proud of but i just wanna talk abt it. We had done no work since the interim last week. Ahmad had warned us against taking too much slack. But apparently we did not heed that. I dare not say i deserved rest but i havent been sleeping well for those few weeks back.

I had taken these 2 days to rest. I took yesterday's time entirely for sleep. I didnt have anything to do at home except sch work and online ventures. Thats one of the reasons that drives me for lan too, just like jeff. Kent is the other one that had gone mad. He called me while i was napping and asked if i wanna lan.

However i rejected both lan offers, yesterday's and today's. I went straight home after my short lunch with jeff and shian. Shian had adviced me to find a new perspective and improve my current pathetic condition. Lan is no way out. Lan should just be something that i enjoy, not be overly obsessed with.

Its a week. We should start up our engines in advance to our impending ACAN and FYP deadlines.

Good luck to all. This is the last hurdle to cross before we the guys are cleared for the NS.

posted by Charlie @ 10:50 PM

-==Slack==-

Everything seems cooled down after the interim. There are no hassles over ACAN nor FYP. My grp members are chilling out, either resting at home or out having fun. Personally, i am having too much fun. I need to stop, rest my exhausted body and mind and prepared for the upcoming storm that gonna last till the end of my poly sch days.

Lan is evil. It is like a drug, clouding ur mind, slowly devouring ur inner will and make u succumb to ur desires. IT GOT TO BE STOPPED. I wont be conquered. I shall take over myself once again and pull the others out of the sinking mud pool. It will be too late if they went too deep.

The most probable reason that i submitted to my lan cravings is that i had no defined objectives and purpose in my life. I refused to put up with the harsh reality of life and seek to drown myself in pure senseless fun which numbs my brain killing my raging thoughts.

I think alot. Too much sometimes. It is my nature. In a way it is not so bad. It makes me come to realise many facets of life. Shian had called it unplugged from the matrix. But a pity i had chose not to face up to them and delude myself further.

Such is the attitude of a guy with no self defined purpose in life.

posted by Charlie @ 1:09 PM

-==Madness==-

I wondered if i have gone mad. Sanity has taken on a new level. Leisure had overwritten my priorities. It clouded my mind to such an extent that i could even forgo a 25% test today.

The mahjong session on sat nite had left me weak and tired. The beach trip left me almost on the verge of breakdown. 7hrs of sleep is not sufficient to refresh my tired body for the test today.

I literally flunked the test today. The moment i read the paper, i wished i could just take my bag and walk out. It is pathetic. I am hardly able to ans the qns. I had gone for the test TOTALLY unprepared. This is suicide. But the funny part is, i am not alone.

To relieve our loss, we went for lan yet again....It is scary. It had overwritten my body's call for rest and i went ahead with the rest despite the heavy rain. I feel guilty everytime i lan. I starve myself, i ignore the calls for rest, forgo sch work and alot of responsiblities. It should be something i am enjoying but it is seems to have taken a demonic form. I dun understand y i feel this way. Whatever it is, this practise got to be stopped.

posted by Charlie @ 10:55 PM

-==Effort==-

Yesterday's interim presentation is a deciding battle but we fought badly. The artillery shell caught us totally off guard and a barrage of bullets ensured after. We had taken casualities.

Couple of us only previewed the slides minutes before the presentation. We were only assigned our slides on that critical minute when the judges began to settle down. Many of us were tongue-tied, especially me who dun even understand the background of our game at all.

James Ang began shelling us even before we reached the Q and A session. During my designated slides, James Ang fired a direct RPG shot at me, leaving me petrified, unable to response...... Hubertus in the meanwhile is trying to brighten the atmosphere with his corny jokes. Tan BY didnt fire off much. He had his rifle at semi mode.

Mid way during the presentation, our client, MC Cheong who is also a part-time lecturer in our sch hopped by. His digusting and perverted face coupled with his inexpressiveness filled us with uneasiness. He revealed his true colours when he added that he is more interested in the codes thats all. It doesnt matter if our models are good or we got excellent menus design. He directly made clear that if our codes dun work, we shouldnt blame him for being merciless in our grading.

If that should ever happen, that guy better check beneath his car tires and every step he takes, coz we might be lurking around dark bends with evil intents to deal death. We shared our anti-cheong sentiments as we heard abt how perverted his behaviour is. He had used to be a full-time lecturer in our sch until the Board received complaints from gers abt his immoral behaviour in class. He didnt do anything exaggerating but still what he did is unlike one of an education figure.

We are taking a few days vacation after the interim. everybody deserves some rest but maybe not me. But whatever.....

Rest is important for our survival.....

posted by Charlie @ 10:54 AM

-==03 Mar==-

Today is the final moment before our interim assessment which comprises of 20% of our total marks for FYP. I finally created a slightly decent looking main menu for our game but it is still a far cry from being the finalised one.

I hoped i do not face a barrage of gattling firearms tml with that standard of work i produced within these 2 months. I believe my group mates will do pretty well with their amount and standard of work. I am lucky enough that i did not get grilled by joe before it.

With inadequate rest and responsiblities crawling up my back, i can hardly loosen up. I become snappy at the slightest mischief. I hope all these end as soon as possible or i will be liable to a bed in WoodBridge. Sleep deprivation had also taken its ugly form of mini eruptions on my face and infected uclers in my mouth..... Arrrghh.....

Lan gaming seems too tiring for me and i literally cant focus during the games. When i am in sch or home, i would want to play generals. But when i finally settled down for the game, i feel i just wanna get home. Probably the sch work accounts for this uneasiness.

My parents are keeping me on a short leash these days. They had nv done it before. Nowadays when i am not home by 11 they will call and stuffs..... Its kinda irritating at times but it is a fact they care for me. But thats being overly concerned especially i did call home earlier informing that i will be back late. I am going 21 soon enough, i would respect some freedom given to me.....

Thats that much i wanna blog.

The artillery shell is looking at me in the eye, homing onto me. I shall report my medical status after the shell lands.

I am out.

posted by Charlie @ 2:07 AM

-==FYP==-

I would not say it is stressful. Interim is approaching. It is this coming thursday. I have got my guys breathing down my neck for the menus and displeasure is written all over their faces.

I had not wished for this to happen. It is not just a point abt laziness now. The task questioned my ability to design. Sometimes i just sit there and scream within myself. The anger and frustration within had slightly crossed the threshold. It is developing into pain with the everyday reality of my grp members reprimanding me. They cant possibly help me. They got their own duties.

It had made me feel like i just wanna fuck this module and forward for half a yr, paying a 1000 more to facilities which i nv used and to those incompetent lecturers. Suddenly i dunno y i feel so dead. I just feeling like stopping, refusing any work and take a real good rest.

My fellow classmates had fought well, and it good for them to say: "i did not have a single good rest these days." They are fighting for a cause they are passionate with. Their own calling pushed them to excel. On the other hand, i did not have a good rest as well but my work doesnt match my restlessness. Very sadly that i am totally inefficient in this area of field.

Lan is becoming a burden instead of a reliever. Andi had resisted his temptation and pressed on for his duties. He had managed to pick up a weapon and charged.

An artillery shell is closing in. I just gonna see what is left of me after it.

I just wanna say fuck. FUCK!

posted by Charlie @ 1:29 AM